Tag: record industry

5/2/1997

Maybe it’s because it’s my birthday.  (Ah, now don’t you feel bad that you didn’t get me a present?  And you wonder why I write bad things about you?)  There are two times a year that automatically bring on reflective contemplation: birthdays and the New Year.  What ever the reason, I feel compelled to take a step back and take a good look at myself and my situation.  Although this “reflective contemplation” happens to coincide with my birthday (where’s my present?), this is something I try to do more than twice a year.

I believe it to be absolutely, positively important to study ourselves if we are to continue to grow.  Otherwise, we might get the false impression that where we are is where we would like to end up.  The instant you are content with all you have is the moment you begin to lose those things you’ve struggled to attain.  We have to keep moving forward.  The absence of any forward momentum is the beginning of sliding backwards.

In our business, it’s so easy to be satisfied with where we are.  We are in the business of hype and too often we buy into what we’re selling.  With so many people paid to tell us how great we are, many times we believe what others are saying is the truth.

I admit I’m not like the average bear.  I fight complacency daily.  I try to do the simplest things differently so I won’t all into any habit of doing even the smallest things the same way.  I take a different route to the office each day, sleep on different sides of the bed, sleep in the guest bedroom, eat lunch at breakfast and vice versa.

You may think I’m crazy…you aren’t the first.  (I have been accused, but never institutionalized for any consecutive period longer than 15 days.)  I believe in the philosophy, “All change is for the better.”  Although I welcome and accept the changes that occur naturally in my life, I go one step further and try to stimulate change to make myself and my situation better…or if not better…different.

I heard someone give a recipe for changing habits and beliefs for the better and many of the ingredients have stuck with me.  I share them with you so that on your birthday…or the New Year…or when you have time, you can “taste test” them for your appetite.

As I recall the lesson…and from my life experiences with others…I find that most of us are resistant to change.  We get used to doing things one way…why change?  The old adage, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” might not be in our best interest.

Losing a job can be a devastating experience.  One only has to read our continuing “Hell On The Beach” or this week’s Hotline to understand what havoc the loss of a job can wreak.  It’s my philosophy (sharpened on the blade of many “termination axes”) that if we are constantly searching for changes in our lives, changes dictated by outside sources will do less damage.

Why are we so resistant to change?  Pride plays a big part.  “I don’t have to change.  I’m perfect the way I am.  I can’t get any better.”  Bullshit.

Fear is another reason.  Too many of us fear the unknown.  But don’t you have faith in yourself?  If you don’t, you need much more help than this Editorial will bring.  Faith is spelled R-I-S-K.  You build self-confidence by taking chances…by taking risks.  You can talk and pretend all you want, but until you step out and challenge your beliefs, they mean nothing.

Laziness I another reason we reject change.  It’s easy to put off actions until tomorrow.  Making changes in your life takes a commitment.  It isn’t a slam dunk.  Most people would change if they could take a pill or a quick home study course.  Those same people are too lazy to affect any change.  They’re waiting for the perfect time.  Well, there is never a perfect time.

Apathy is another reason.  Many people just don’t care enough to change.

What about you?  Are there things in your life you would like to change?  I’m not talking about smoking or drinking (although those habits should be broken), but about making positive changes in your life that will directly affect your future.  If so, let me offer the same advice that was offered to me this past week by someone who jogged my memory.

First, you must determine what you need to change. You just can’t make a broad, sweeping statement about changing your life.  You must have a vision of what you want to be, but identify the small changes you must make to begin the journey.

You also must have good information.  It’s fine to determine what changes you should make, but ask others.  By others, I mean close friends, family or mentors…not those paid to tell you how great you are.

You must accept that there are risks involved. There is an old saying, “The truth will set you free.”  Accurate, but there is a second verse, “…but first it will make you miserable.”  Don’t expect everyone to rejoice and be happy because you’ve decided to make changes.  Some will not understand and many might be hurt by your undertaking.

Once you have decided to make positive changes in your life, you must be patient.  Remember, you’re taking baby steps.  Just because you’ve decided to “be a better person” doesn’t mean all the improvements will happen overnight.  On the contrary.  Old habits are difficult to break.  It will sometimes be hard to judge your progress.  Remember it took you a long time to get where you are.

And as difficult as it is, it is just that simple. If you want to change, you can.

Remember, it isn’t where you’ve been that is important.  It’s where you’re going.

4/18/1997

What makes you so different?

It is’ a question I’ve had to answer a lot in my life, but sometimes the answer is more important than others.  It isn’t the question, but who’s asking that makes the difference.  For example, if Scott Shannon asks me, my answer will be full of bravado, backed up by appropriate stories and accompanied with a pirate’s grin.  If my daughter asks the same question, it stops me in my tracks.

What makes you different?  What do you believe in?  If you had to define yourself, how would you do it?

We work in a tough business.  In defining the radio and record industries, five words come to mind:  Anger, criticism, cynicism, negativity and egotism.  In this environment, it’s easy to know what we’re against.  We are quick to voice opinions on what we don’t like.  (Particularly in my case!)  Not so easy is defining what we like.

Why do we have the tendency to be so negative?  In a business founded on creativity, why are we so quick to accentuate the negative?  Why are so many voices raised with reasons why something won’t work rather than to sing the praises of the innovations that do work?

I got some great advice early on.  Hired to program WRKO in Boston, one of the most influential stations in the country, I was too young…too eager…and too hungry.  I wasn’t grounded in my programming beliefs and I certainly wasn’t sure of myself.  I had great promotional ideas, but before I put them into place, I discussed them with others in the company, seeking their input.  Needless to say, none made it on the air.  The others were quick to point out all the negative things that could result with a particular promotion.

Paul Drew, head of programming for the RKO Chain, told me, “If you have a great idea…put it on the air immediately.  Don’t talk with others about it.  They can’t see the positives…it isn’t in their interest.”

How much better could we be if we didn’t have to overcome so much negativity?  More importantly, how much better could our employees be if they didn’t have to overcome so much of our negativity?

With negativity comes criticism.  Don’t misunderstand. There is nothing wrong with being vocal when disagreeing.  It is important to define your position by discussing…as loudly as you wish…your opposition to those things with which you don’t agree.  Am I not the loudest protester?

I speak of the petty criticism we hear daily about almost everything and everybody.  I’ve said before that we should applaud every measure of success.  If anyone is doing really well anywhere…let’s stand up and cheer.

But we’re quick to criticize.  A PD has an up book?  No competition.  A record is getting a lot of adds?  Yeah, but it’s not selling.  A guy gets a promotion?  He’s just a brown-noser.

Stop it!

And let’s not forget the egos that run rampant in our business.  In the great business of life, what we do doesn’t give us the right to be disrespectful to others, to demand attention, to believe that our jobs actually make us more important than others.

Give me break.  The only reason our neighbors pretend to show interest in our jobs is for the free concert tickets or CDs that we occasionally hand out to impress.

Because of the nature of this Editorial, it’s not appropriate for me to point out the problems without offering solutions.

If you want to be different…you must act different.  It’s hard.  It’s easier to join the cynical crowd and criticize everything.  But if you really want to be different, let me offer five positive moves that you can make:

First, change your attitude.  You’ve got a great job…and the more positive your attitude, the better it…and you…will. Be.  In life and in business, “Attitude equals Altitude.”  How high do you wish to go?

Second, identify what you’re for…not just what you’re against.

Third, use words to make positive statements, not just negative judgments.  Take the time to compliment others on jobs well done.  Don’t you feel better when it’s done to you?

Fourth, use your works.  Kind words are nice…but what you do is important.  Go out of your way to show intentionality…do some thing intentionally to alter a potentially negative situation.

And fifth, be solution-minded.  It’s easy to find fault…how about providing an answer?  Anyone who works with me knows my motto is, “Don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions.”

What makes us different?  What do we believe in?  Let me start you on the road to recovery with one simple answer:  Music.  Shouldn’t that be one of the big reasons we’re different?

We spend more time on things surrounding music than listening.  Scheduling meetings, budget meetings, department meetings, etc.  We have become an industry of meetings.  We don’t have a choice.  We don’t make those decisions.  But we can decide not to make those parts of our jobs the hot topics of our conversations.  It’s the music that matters.

We all have excuses.  There are a thousand reasons why we don’t accept excuses from others, why should we use them ourselves?

A song painter and current Callaway golfer once sang, “Music is the universal language and love is the key.  People who believe in music are the happiest people I’ve ever seen.”

The next time someone asks me, “What makes you different?  What do you believe in?”  I’ve got the answer.

I believe in music.

How about you?

4/11/1997

The Network 40 Summer Games are the hottest topic of conversation these days.  As record companies line up their teams, the wolf whistles will get even louder.

We’re hearing a lot of, “My team can beat your team” and “My daddy can whip your daddy” already.  There are also those who are asking, “Why?”

Why?

The Network 40 Summer Games were conceived over two years ago at a small gathering consisting of myself, Bruce Tenenbaum and Mark Gorlick.  We were criticizing (of course) a convention that had just concluded.  During our conversation, we gabbed about all conventions in general.  And it wasn’t just three lone voices, crying out in the wilderness.  We were vocalizing the criticisms we shared with every person in the business.

Radio and record conventions are boring.  The panels and discussions are a joke.  And they are boring.  The meetings go on too long.  And they’re boring.  There are 50 record people to every programmer.  Nothing is ever accomplished.  Conventions are a waste of time.  And they are boring.

These criticisms were coupled with the mood of the day…the mood that continues in our business.  It’s ugly out there.  Never before has there been such a chasm between those in the record business and those in radio.

“I hate that person,” is today’s phrase.

There is no doubt that both businesses have changed drastically in the past few years.  Promotion executive often spend more time in meetings inside the company than productive meetings with programmers.  Traveling, once a way of life for any good promotion person, has been curtailed.  More often that not, the only contact promotion people have with programmers is on the phone…and those conversations tend to be about the immediate possibility of an add.

In today’s world, a promotion person’s opinion of a programmer depends on what records were added in a given week.

It’s the same for a PD.  More time is spent in meetings than listening to music.  A PD’s  time is more valuable than anything.  When a PD picks up a phone to talk with someone in the record business, it’s usually, “What can you do for me right now?”

In a business that depends upon…actually, demands…relationships on both sides, we are becoming too busy to establish them.  And we need these relationships to survive.

No PD is going to add every record you work.  As startling as this sounds, not every record worked by a promotion staff is a hit.  A promotion person’s job is to get a PD to consider the record.  Occasionally, one must ask a programmer for a favor… “Would you please listen to my record and to what I have to say about my record?”

You cannot ask a favor without having a relationship.  And you cannot have a relationship without spending time…quality time.

The same is true from the programming side.  You can’t ask a favor of a promotion executive without having a relationship…that is, unless you want to barter and trade.  If you need tickets for a superstar concert and have no relationship with the company’s promotion person, the answer will be, “Yeah, if you’ll play this other record.”  A record that probably doesn’t fit your format.

But if you have a relationship, the promotion person will be more than happy to oblige because both know the other will be there in the future.

This is why we came up with the idea of the Network 40 Summer Games.  It is an opportunity to create relationships.  There will be nothing else like it.

Why aren’t we having speakers?  Because we don’t learn anything from speakers or panels.  Would you rather hear Scott Shannon speak about programming to a large group or would you rather have the opportunity to ask him specific programming questions in a relaxed atmosphere?  Would you rather hear Burt Baumgartner give a speech about promotion or would you rather personally ask him about promotion?

The Network 40 Summer Games gives you the opportunity to talk one-on-one with your peers and counterparts.  The games are small for a reason…so every person who attends will have the opportunity to spend quality time with everyone else there.

You will be able to establish relationships with those you only knew as distant voices.  You’ll be able to make friends.  Hey, you’ll also be able to make enemies.  You’re not going to click with everyone, but after the Network 40 Summer Games, you’ll have a reason to hate specific people!

The vast majority of record people and programmers know the Network 40 Summer Games will provide a unique opportunity to compete and get to know each competitor.  Virtually every record company has committed to being a part of the most unique event in the history of our business.  Most know it will be a very special gathering in a very special place that will be talked about for years to come.  A small minority continue to ask, “Why?”  Why is it so expensive?  (Because it’s small and special.)  Why aren’t there any panels?  (Because panels are stupid and boring.)  Why should I go?  (To spend quality time with others in your business…you might even learn something.)  Why are we playing games?  (Because competition builds relationships.)  Why can’t I wait until next year?  (To attend the 1998 Summer Games in the Bahamas, you have to be in Lake Tahoe this year.)

But if you decide not to attend, all of these questions will be irrelevant.  You’ll only have to answer one question:

Why weren’t you there?

4/4/1997

Several weeks ago, I wrote an Editorial that was highly critical of the Monitor.  Actually, the Editorial was critical of the policies of the Monitor… and the people of the Monitor who made the policies…specifically Howard Lander, Sean Ross, Kevin Carter and Theda Sandiford.  I said it would be harder to find anyone dumber than the Gang of Four.  I was speaking of their overall intelligence.  I assume each of these individuals are smart in their own way.  They’re just stupid when it comes to the radio or record business…despite the fact that they are in charge of a magazine that purports to support that very industry.

I owe the Gang an apology.  I know it’s not like me, but when I’m right (which is most of the time), I take the credit.  And when I’m wrong (which is almost never…ask anyone who works for me), I will take the blame.  I said it would be hard to find anyone dumber than the Gang of Four.  I was wrong.  After reading last week’s Monitor, I found someone.

Sean Ross.

The fact that he is a member of the Gang notwithstanding, Sean has separated himself from his peers with a column that begs to wonder if Mr. Ross is indeed on a spaceship circling the Hale-Bopp comet.  It proves he is totally out of touch with the realities of the radio and record industries.

Sean writes, under the the heading “Top 40 Topics” (golly gee, what a nifty name), about “Going For Adds Or Going For The Real Story.”  Mr. Ross wonders why companies still “go for adds” and schedule “add dates.”  If he has to wonder, Mr. Ross should wake up and smell the coffee.  However, I feel the mere smell of coffee certainly couldn’t pull him out of his evident coma.

Ah, what a warm-and-fuzzy world we would live in if there was no emphasis on stations “adding” a record.  There would be no more scheduling meetings because record companies could release everything on the same day.  Warner Bros. could gather up all their artists and ask, “Who wants to release an album next year?  Just deliver it by January 1, because that’s when we release everything.

“We’re not concerned with adds anymore, so let’s just throw all the product out there at the same time. Maybe some programmer will listen to it and play it.”

Wow, wouldn’t that be cool?

Actually, it might make it easier if every record company released all their records on the same day.  Then we could get it all over with in a hurry.  Oh, some artists would get lost and some hit records would never get heard, but that’s okay.  Shit happens.

How would we gauge a record’s early success?  We couldn’t.  But, who cares?  We aren’t in the business of promotion, we’re in the business of reality.  Unfortunately, what Sean doesn’t seem to understand is that reality is almost always a byproduct of promotion.

We have a Bill of Rights because a bunch of promotion people got it “added” to the Constitution.  We are able to break new acts because programmers commit to the music by “adding” the record.  Anyone who believes records “just organically happen” without a solid promotion and marketing plan should put a purple scarf over their head and become a part of Hale-Bopp.

Maybe a superstar act doesn’t need a group of early believers to ensure a hit—although most would even argue this point.  But certainly newer, unproven artists need early believers to shout the gospel by “adding” the record.

It is a fact of life that PDs look to others for guidance.  How many adds a record gets often decides a records’ fate.  Some may say it isn’t fair (usually those who didn’t get any adds), but the fact is that the system works.

Programmers depend on promotion people and information.  If a record gets added on 100 stations, it’s worth a listen.  And the reverse is certainly true. If a record gets only two adds…maybe it isn’t worth a listen.

Add dates are all-important in the internal set-up of a record.  Scheduling is king.  No one wants to release a superstar act the same time as another label’s superstar.  Nor does any company want to release a new artist if several superstars are coming with releases in a given month.  Companies want to schedule add dates with touring when possible, making tickets, artist meetings and other promotional activities possible.  Add dates are coordinated to make sure product is in stores.

All of these reasons would seem obvious to even the most ignorant in our business.  So what does this say about Sean and the publication for which writes?  Does Monitor not know…or simply not care?

Sean checked out the adds in his own magazine and found only a “few” that mention “add dates.”  Maybe it’s because adds aren’t important to Monitor’s readers.  Monitor prints information that has already happened.  Promotion  people and PDs are concerned with more than history…they must know what’s next… what records are coming…who’s going to “add” them…who has  passion for them.  You’ll find no passion in the Monitor.

You will find people with no experience or knowledge of our business trying to dictate formats and questioning record company practices designed to break new acts and records that make history.

The Monitor should hurry up and hire Tony Novia.  They need someone—even with his limited radio ability.  (Just kidding, Matty.)

In short, Sean Ross sucks, the Monitor blows, Network 40 rules.

I know I think I know everything.  But consider the other trade geeks and you have a better understanding of the saying, “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king!”

Well, give me my eye patch and call me Snake.

3/7/1997

The howls should have been the giveaway.  Aren’t they always?  For you people who didn’t grow up in the South, who didn’t develop that special affinity with nature…who never laid down with the dogs on the front porch…who weren’t held close to your mother’s breast when the hounds began to bay late at night…I guess you don’t really understand.  Try to fake it.

The hounds began baying last week.  I should have seen the early warning.  But those parasitic creatures that prey on the toil and work of the truly talented are not as dumb as they look.  Although it’s pretty tough to look any dumber than Howard Lander, Sean Ross, Kevin Carter and Theda Sandiford-Waller.

These four “geniuses” are in charge of defining and implementing Billboard Monitor’s charts.  In their infinite wisdom, the Gang of Four changed the formats of six major stations.

Did you know that Hot 97 New York, KMEL San Francisco, KBXX Houston, 92Q Baltimore, WJMH Greensboro and WPGC Washington, D.C. changed formats last week?  According to the Monitor, these stations are now Urban and information from these stations will be processed only on the Urban charts in the Monitor.  Once again, a trade magazine is making decisions better left to programmers.

Remember when R&R tried to dictate their policies on the industry?  The backlash was so great that R&R still hasn’t recovered and probably never will.

Well, guess what happened to the Monitor on the way to the bank?  Those in charge have decided to dictate their beliefs to the rest of the industry.

If R&R was way out of line, the Monitor has obliterated it…because their plot is much more insidious.

First of all, how the Gang of Four decided to change the formats of these radio stations makes communist China look like an open society. Without releasing any criteria…without asking for information from the radio stations involved…without seeking input from the programmers…or any programmers…without seeking counsel from anyone in the record business, the Gang of Four made a decision that could affect the success of these stations and the livelihood of those working there.

Why?  It’s simple.  The Monitor and the Gang of Four don’t care about radio.  They don’t care about the record industry.  They only care about themselves. Why else would they make a decision in secret…a decision that drastically changes the flavor of the Monitor Crossover Chart…without asking for input from anyone else?

Here is the scary part:  The “chosen” stations can’t do a thing about it.  You see, the Monitor doesn’t ask radio for input or information.  The Monitor just takes it.  Since the Monitor uses BDS, radio has no recourse when the Monitor dictates any changes.

At Network 40, we never dictate to the industry.  As I have said many times before, we reflect the opinions and views of those in our industry.  We let radio stations tell us their format…it’s never the other way around.

But, let’s suppose a station reports to Network 40 and we don’t believe the playlist supports the station’s format definition.  We simply inform the program director that we won’t include the station in formulating reports for that format.

The Monitor doesn’t give a station that luxury.  The Monitor decides what the station is and publishes that result.  This will cost the station valuable time, defending its position to advertisers and other interested parties.  It could cost valuable advertising dollars. 

It will also cost the record industry.  Quite simply, the Monitor’s Crossover Chart won’t be reflective of Crossover radio in general.  It will extremely limit an Urban record’s ability to cross over to the Mainstream.  The outlet for Urban records now becomes smaller because of the Monitor’s shortsighted, selfish, stupid decision.

Who wanted this change?  Who asked for it?  Who was not satisfied with the panel?

Does anyone in our business define Steve Smith, Jay Stevens or the rest of the “chosen” programmers as Urban PDs?  Only the Gang of Four.  As Michelle Santosuosso and Joey Arbagey said, “We’re about music…not definitions.”  That’s fine, except the Monitor has chosen to define you.

What gives them that right?  Unlike the staff at Network 40, these geniuses have no radio or record experience.  Oh, please forgive me.  Howard and Theda probably know how to turn a radio on.  Probably to a Talk station.  And I forgot.  Once upon a time, Kevin was actually on the air in Fresno.  And Sean did know how to work Selector. 

So I guess these people are qualified to make ignorant decisions.  The only one truly “qualified” would be Sean.  He worked at Billboard where he got a lot of experience in reasoning accurately to inaccurate conclusions.

There’s reason it’s windy in New York.  The Monitor blows.

What can the industry do?  Talk is cheap…and the Gang of Four won’t listen.  Two major record companies have cancelled advertising with more to follow.  Programmers can refuse to use or quote the Monitor charts.

The Monitor’s decision leaves Network 40 with the only Crossover panel…a panel decided by the radio stations and recognized by the entire industry.  No other publication offers computer-generated plays faxed from music scheduling software.  We’ll accept the responsibility…and act responsible.

What should we do to the Gang of Four?  I say, sic the hounds on ’em.

2/28/1997

It is a strange group that hangs at The Palm in Los Angeles every Sunday night.  It started as just a dinner several years ago, but has grown to almost mythical proportions since then.  It’s still just a dinner, but food serves more as a backdrop for the chatter that surrounds it.  You see, these “gatherings” now serve a much higher purpose.  We join together to dissect, discuss and define the radio and record business as we perceive it during any given week.

Okay, so you see through my subterfuge?  We hang out to bitch and complain…and most of all, to criticize those who aren’t at the round table!

Last week it was particularly invigorating.  Usually, one or two stories run through the table that everyone finds amusing.  Or at least everyone pretends to laugh.  There is a lot of pretending done.  Let’s face it…this dinner takes place in Hollywood.  But last Sunday night, following in the footsteps of Star Wars, there were three stories that all felt worthy of sharing…call it Network 40’s Trilogy, if you will.

Anyhow, the stories are much too long for Page 6, but I thought they would be of interest here.  I could be wrong.  You decide.

The first one, entitled “Car Wars,” is pure power Hollywood.  The head of a record company had to visit a movie studio for a high-level meeting.  The studio has two parking lots:  Lot A is close to the offices; Lot B is perhaps 50 yards further away.  The record executive’s assistant was told by the movie public relations person that parking would be provided in Lot B.  The assistant, knowing the parking layout, questioned the procedure.

“Why can’t she park in Lot A?” she asked.

“We’re doing something with the Vice President that day and he’s using Lot A,” answered the PR person.

“Well,” said the assistant with hesitation, “I’m going to have to pull rank on you.  You’re talking about a vice president and I’m talking about a CEO.  She should park in Lot A.”

The PR person replied, “I’m not talking about a vice president, I’m talking about the Vice President.”

Needless to say, Vice President Al Gore got the preferred parking!

The second, “The Internet Strikes Back,” involves a certain regional promotion person from the South.  We shouldn’t mention either the promotion person’s name nor identify the record company, but the initials are in the following:  DMAWC.  You figure it out.

Anyhow, this extremely intelligent individual who works so hard that he has no time for anything else was (shock) cruising the Internet not long ago.  Of course this guy was only searching for ways to improve his promotional skills.

Somehow, totally unknown to him, he was switched from “Sale Techniques” to “Sex.”  Imagine that.  Soon, our fine, upstanding friend found a website called “Sexygirls.com.”  This website boasted uncensored, hardcore pornography at, get this, absolutely no cost.

Free porn on the Internet?  Our hero was intrigued.  He logged on.  The site informed him that to see “Nekkit Women,” his machine had to be reconfigured and suggested he click on a particular icon.  Our hero complied and sure enough, he was soon looking at uncensored, hardcore porn.

For educational purposes only.

As a good promotion person, he quickly called his boss to share his good fortune.  This was better than an add!  The boss had the company computer expert check out the site.  It seems that when you click on the icon, the website automatically disconnects you from the Internet and reconnects you through a 900 number that charges $3 a minute!

Our humble hero got the bill yesterday.  $960.  He says he fell asleep.

Sure.

The third in the trilogy, “Return of the Bad Guy,” involves me.

I had been getting calls and letters from a guy named Bobby Ocean.  Now, the real Bobby Ocean is an old and dear friend of mine, someone I’ve known for years.  We worked together in several different markets and he’s one of my favorite people.

I hadn’t talked with Bobby in a long time and when my assistant told me he was on the phone, I picked it up excitedly.

My excitement immediately turned to boredom as I listened to a dweeb who called himself “Bobby Ocean” tell me all about his limited career and even-more-limited success.  He then proceeded to rail on me about giving him a job.  I got off the phone as quickly as I could.

Well, this guy was relentless.  He sent packages.  He sent emails.  He sent gifts.  He was sending me around the bend.

My assistant buzzed me last week and told me Bobby Ocean was on the phone.  I made my assistant get back on the phone and make sure it was the “real” Bobby Ocean from San Francisco.  Assured, she put the call through.

I picked up the receiver and said, “Ocean, I’m sorry to put you through all this hassle, but there’s this loser who’s using your name, who’s been bugging the hell out of me.  He keeps sending me stuff and calling constantly.  I can’t get away from him.  That’s why I had to make sure it was you and not the jerk.”

There was a slight pause, then the voice said, “Gerry I am that jerk.”

For one of the few times in my life, I was speechless.  When I could finally talk, I said, “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

I could continue this editorial, but I feel some jerks are reading it.

So, I have to go.

Now, aren’t you glad you aren’t at The Palm on Sunday?

2/21/1997

What are you giving up for Lent?”

It was a strange question.  One I hadn’t heard since my childhood.  Stranger still was from whence it came.

Her name was Lola…she was a dancer.

Okay.  Her name wasn’t Lola.  And although she worked at an exotic dance club called the Pink Pussycat, she insisted that she wasn’t a dancer.  In her own description, she was a teller of tales…a spinner of sagas…a filler of fantasies.

Whatever.

I have seen her work and you can trust me on this one:  She is a storyteller of epic proportions.

I woke up rough that morning.  My mouth felt as if it had been stuffed with dusty cotton…lips pasted together with that white glue that mysteriously appears in the middle of the night…a swollen tongue that tasted like the bottom of an ashtray in a Peterbilt cab after a coast-to-coast run.

Ashtray…how apropos.  It was the day after Fat Tuesday.  Ash Wednesday.

Now, Fat Tuesday had merely been the strawberry on the sundae of a month of total and complete debauchery.  The 30 days of celebration, culminating with Mardi Gras, that directly precedes Lent can only be fully understood by a good Catholic, preferably from the South.  Although what a good Catholic gives up for Lent is what it’s all about, somewhere along the way, the degree to which one parties preceding the loss of a particularly evil sinful act makes the season of Lent all the more important.

I had, however, one problem.  I was neither good nor Catholic.  But I am a true son of the South and I certainly know how to party.  The fact that this particular party happened to coincide with the period just before Lent was strictly coincidental.

But I was game.  Besides, she had asked.  It was, indeed, the only thing she had asked of me since we had met.  And I felt I owed her an answer.  Particularly since I had asked a good bit more from her.  And she had given.  Happily.  Without hesitation.  With vigor.

“Have you ever been to New Orleans?”  I answered her question with one of my own.

“What has that got to do with Lent?”

Hmm.  She was not going to be easily put off.

“They’re real good about giving things up down there,” I said, finally giving her an answer.  Kind of.

“Tell me about it.”

“There’s a Gavin Convention going on,” I said, trying to sound excited.  “A bunch of radio and record people will be running through the French Quarter at all hours of the night.”

She popped her gum loudly.  “And?”

“And there will be a bunch of panels.”

She leaned back and blew the hair out of her eyes. “Panels?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.  “Different people will sit and discuss different topics for what seems like hours.  The audience will nod off…those who don’t leave…and after each is over, everyone will tell everyone else how boring everything is.”

She closed her eyes.  “I hate this Gavin Convention.”

“There will be some bands playing,” I tried weakly.

I thought I heard a snore.

“Of course,” I stammered, “we could drive to Palm Springs.”

She was in the car before I could find my toothbrush.

Ordinarily, Palm Springs is rather ordinary.  This weekend would prove way different.  Ordinarily, it takes between two and two-and-a-half hours to drive to Palm Springs.  This day we made it in 90 minutes.  Ordinarily, there isn’t a lot to do.  However, this weekend, Palm Springs was the home of the Urban Network Convention.  Ordinarily, Palm Springs is a sleepy little town filled with a lot of old Cadillacs driven by people with blue hair.  This weekend, the place rocked.

From the opening invocation to the Old School party that closed down the house, the Urban Network Convention was the place to be.

For those of you who don’t know, Urban Network is a sister publication of Network 40 and their annual convention rocks the party that rocks the party.

Here was a gathering of radio and record people who were truly happy to be sharing time, space and information with each other…where kinder garden and Old School combined curriculum…where programmers listened intently while record executives outlined their problems…where record executives listened to the problems outlined by programmers…where retailers explained the truth of sales vs. programming.

And the music…only one word describes it…WOW!

From Spearhead, Mozaic, K-Ball, Teddy with Immature, Rahsaan Patterson, Tasha Holiday and Eric Benet to Tisha Campbell and Tichina Arnold, it was nothing short of fantastic.  But the best was saved for last.  For those who believe Elektra’s Sylvia Rhone has the best ears in the business, let me give you just one more example:  Ray J. This 16-year-old younger brother of Brandy is going to be a star.  With his sister singing backup, Ray J brought down the house Saturday night.

Sunday morning, the question was still unanswered.

“Well,” she asked while balancing an ankle on my hip, “have you decided what you’re giving up for Lent?”

I studied the perfect leg through half-closed eyes.  It certainly wasn’t going to be her.  “Absolutely.”

She sat up quickly.  “What?”

“The Gavin Convention.”

She threw her arms around me and squealed, “I’m so glad you see it my way.”

It was an easy call.

2/7/1997

Hold everything.  Stop all the presses.  Notify the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and whoever else might be interested…the Pope and all other religious leaders…the United Nations…et cetera…et cetera…etc.

Had I thought about it, I never would have believed it would take this long.  Of course, since I never thought about it, I didn’t really know how long it was taking, so that whole point is moot.

I feel so humble.  I know many and far better men than I have spent countless fortunes and lifetimes in their futile search.  Why I was chosen to be imparted with this special wisdom, I don’t know.  There can be no denying the fact that I am now The Chosen One…and the rest of my life must reflect that fact.

I wear the mantle modestly.  Where before I was egotistical and verbose, I now cover my shoulders with a cloak of humility.

“Why me?”  I ask myself.

“Why him?”  Everyone else asks.

Why ask? The bottom line is that I found the answer to the eternal question…the answer no one else could find.  It was revealed to me in the most special way.  It is strange that the search for the true meaning of life has ended in the office of the Executive VP/GM of Network 40.  I found the Holy Grail when I didn’t even know I was searching for it.

Go figure.

How, you might ask, did this come to be?

I was on the phone with a certain Sr. VP of Promotion and we were discussing the offer he just received from another company when the meaning of life became crystal clear to me.  I shared it with him and he agreed.

I would tell you his name, but then I might have to share the spotlight with him.  I shared the secret; that’s enough.  I have only so much humility.  I must take full credit. I mean, it’s only fair.  He was the first to learn after me.  That should be enough for him

Did I tell you how this discovery has changed my life?  I’ll get to that.  But it occurs to me that many of you reading this column don’t believe I’ve really found the secret to the meaning of life.  Right now you think that I’m just meandering to fill space so I won’t have to write about something relevant.

Who can really blame you?  Why should you think that I have discovered the meaning of life?  Am I so special?  There are certainly many more who are more worthy than I.  Nevertheless, the fact is:  I have been chosen.

Or in 1990 parlance, “I the man!”

My life is forever changed.  You’re reading this column now…soon, you’ll pass bookstores that feature thousands of books that I will write on the subject.  I will become a household name.  My words will be studied by millions.  I will become known far and wide as the wisest person on the face of the earth.  Kings and presidents will seek my counsel.  Children will speak my name with reverence.

And if I’m really lucky, I’ll be on Oprah!

What?  You want me to share the meaning of life with you?  You want me to reveal the secret of the universe to a group of lowly communicators and promoters?  Why should you be worthy of such a noble gesture on my part?

You’ll give me a VCR, a track date and send my winners to Hawaii?

Done!

The answer to the search for the true meaning of life?  The secret of the universe?  It’s simple.  It’s…

er.

No, I’m not referring to the NBC hi t series, E.R. I’m talking about er.  Lower case.  Pronounced together.  Individually, the letters don’t stand for anything else.  Just er.

You’re not getting this, are you?

See, when I was speaking with the Sr. VP of Promotion, he told me about another company that was interested in his services.  He told them he was happy where he was.

That’s when it hit me…er.

I said, “You’re happy, but you could always be happier.”

Get it?  Happy-er.

And that, my friends, is the secret of life.  Think about it…er is what drives us…er makes us tick…er is why we do the things we do.

I’m happy.  But does that make me stop seeking out people, places and tings that could increase that sensation?  Of course not.  I want to be happier!

I make a lot of money.  Most Americans would say I’m rich.  But do I put my feet up on the desk and stop working?  Nope.  Why? er.  I want to be richer.

You’ve got the haircut…the shades…the car…the lifestyle…the look.  You are cool.  Do you stop?  Do you back away from that cutting edge because you are cool and you know it?  No sir. er.  You want to be…you need to be…you have to be…cooler.

You’re getting now, aren’t you?  I feel that you are.  Because before you were reading fast.  Now you’re reading faster.

Once you understand that er drives you…that er is the meaning of life…then you can harness er and reach your full potential.

Hey, you’re pretty.  But you’re going to try that new skin lotion, aren’t you?  Because you want to be prettier.

You are smart, right?  But you’re still going to listen when others speak…you’re going to a seminar or two…you’ll be at the panel discussions at conventions…because you want to get smarter.

So the next time someone asks you what you want, tell that person.  “er.”  And as soon as you master er, you can move on to est.

As much as it hurt you to admit I’m right…you know I am.  Come on.  Say it.  SAY IT!

Gerry was great…now he’s greater…soon he’ll be the greatest.

I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

1/17/1997

“You’re nobody ’til somebody loves you…”

This week’s interview is one of the most riveting in Network 40’s history.  Gary Stevens, who has been involved in more major station sales than any other broker, speaks candidly about the realities of mergers, swaps and sales.  It is a must-read for all radio programmers who will be effected by a station sale.  It is also important that all in our industry read this interview to gain an understanding about how the current climate causes reactions from those within the radio community.

Gary shares the back-room strategies among those who buy and sell radio properties, but he also touches on the human aspects of these mega-deals.  Gary is in a unique position to discuss how these deals effect the day-to-day lives of those in radio.  He has one of the most respected resumes in broadcasting.  Gary was a big-time deejay back in the days when being a deejay was the ultimate pinnacle of success.  He was one of the WMCA “Good Guys” in the glory days of radio in the 1960s.  He became a general manager in the Doubleday chain and later was president of Doubleday Broadcasting.  I was fortunate enough to work with Gary twice—in Phoenix at KRIZ and later in New York at WAPP.

Gary is one of the best management executives I’ve ever worked with.  He was one of the few managers who put talent on the same level as sales…in many cases, even above.  Gary always recognized the importance of people in this business.  He was quick to point out that it was the talent of the people inside the walls that made the building worthwhile, not the paint on the outside.  I learned a lot about managing people from him.  He was as quick to praise as he was to blame.  He worked hard on creating a family atmosphere and fought hard for his people when company edicts from the home office tended to ignore the human element.

Indeed, Gary Stevens was the first “Human Resources” person I ever met.  So I felt a great degree of pain when I read his perspective on the current climate of station group owners.  According to Gary, most owners are looking only at the hardware when contemplating future purchases.  Whether a station has talented people or even whether it is successful ratings-wise has less to do with the potential purchase than the hard worth of the station.

“Love is here and, oh my baby, now you’re gone.”

Ouch!

The main reason that drives people into our business in the first place is love.  Nobody becomes involved in radio because it’s easier to achieve big success and extraordinary money than in any other business.  We all began because we loved it.

Why?  Who really knows.  Why was I staying up all night, listening to distant stations from across the country while my peers were getting up at the crack of dawn to fish?  Why was I drawn to the station promotions, so I could meet the deejay, when most of my friends were going to a movie?  Why did I think the deejays on my favorite station were so cool?

I have no idea.  I only know that the love of radio drove me into the business.  In my career, I’ve had the opportunity to program a lot of great radio stations.  Not a week goes by without a couple of programmers telling my they used to listen to KFRC San Francisco, WAPP New York or KHJ Los Angeles or another station I programmed—and they fell in love with radio because of it.

We began because we fell in love.  Unfortunately, the reality today is that the lady we’re  in love with has a heart of stone.

“You broke my heart, you made me cry, you dropped a bomb on me.”

Decisions inside radio stations are made for reasons that have nothing to do with a love of the business…most of the time the decisions have nothing to do with the radio business.  Many companies are buying stations as commodities…as far removed from human reality as trading for sugar futures.

Does this mean that we, as programmers, should develop a hard attitude in our approach to our jobs?  Yes and no.  We should face reality.

This isn’t a mom-and-pop business any more.  When someone speaks to you about a “family” atmosphere, be careful.  The “radio family” of today is mostly dysfunctional.  Daddy might be too close to that chainsaw and mom’s spending way too much time with those clothes hangers.

We still should work in this business because we love it—mainly because we have no choice.  You can’t snap your fingers and fall out of love any more than you can change your feelings because the one you love doesn’t share your emotion.  But our love of doing a great job should manifest itself within each of us.  Do not expect that love…the attention to detail…that willingness to work long, hard hours…the ability to be there until the job gets done…don’t expect that to be rewarded in kind by most managers or owners.  They don’t have the liberty to share the emotion.  They are driven by other forces.

Do your job and derive your pleasure from what it gives you inside…not what it gets you from others.  The truth of the matter is that most times, they don’t care.

There was a time when a station’s worth was judged by what it accomplished.  Today its worth is based more on its location and how it fits with others in a future chain than its success.  This can make it extremely frustrating for those who work to make their place of employment a winner.  But fear not.  The time is coming when stations will have to begin paying off.  The prices paid will then be judged on actual worth rather than what someone else wants to pay for them.

That’s when talent will again become the important commodity.

Until then, “Love Stinks.”