Tag: radio programming

Pot It UP!

Pot It Up!

Radio lost a great talent this week. I lost a friend.

In an industry where engineers are nameless, faceless souls who, for the most part, never “got it,” Phil Lerza was a superstar. Programmers who couldn’t tell you who their own engineer was knew all about Phil. Lerza was the superstar who perfected the KFRC sound. And what a sound. Envied by programmers across the country, many tried, but none succeeded in duplicating the sound of the Big 610. In short, Phil Lerza “Got it.”

Unless you worked at KFRC, you have no idea how perfect the radio station was. The industry measured how many hours stations were off the air during any given year. KFRC measure that time in seconds. Quite simply, KFRC was never off the air. Duplicate control rooms, backup music carts, generators, compressors and all sorts of whistles and bells were just a part of the process. In the cocoon of the control room, you were wrapped in perfection. It just didn’t get any better.

And the one person who made the Starship run was Phil Lerza. No need to ask for Warp Speed, we were already there…and light years faster. Every person on the staff loved Phil Lerza. For what he did…and for who he was.

I always told Lerza he was God’s Chief Engineer…that if God had a radio station, Phil would be His engineer. I guess I was right. The Big Station in the sky needed tweaking and God called Lerza on the hotline. He’ll have it perfect for our arrival. And when we get there, he’ll give us that wry smile and say, “Bud, what took you so long? I’ve been waiting for you. Sit down and pot it up.”

We all have specific memories of Phil and I invite all of you to share your comments. All of his friends will see them and I’ll send them along to his family. Some of mine begin the tale…

I had problems with every engineer I worked with. None understood Top 40. All wanted a smooth sound…a straight line with no peaks. I wanted it to thump. In my first meeting with Phil, I told him I wanted the compression to hit me like a wave right in the chest. I explained by pounding on my chest. Instead of looking at me like I had three heads, Phil nodded and said, “I got it.” And he did. The compression increased within minutes.

Several weeks after my initial meeting, I called him into my office and said, “I want more compression.” Phil nodded quickly and said, “I’ll do it, but you won’t like it.” I tried not to show my aggravation. “Do it please,” I snapped. He nodded again and looked at me with those wide, inquisitive eyes. “OK.” The next day, I met with him again. With much chagrin, I asked that he back off on the compression. Without a hint of “I told you so,” he nodded and said, “OK.” I love the guy. After that, we had a continuing contest. Phil would tweak the sound without telling me. I would always know. I would come into his office and say, “You changed the settings, didn’t you?” He was always amazed that I knew. What he didn’t know was that he had a tell. His eyes always gave him away.

For years, I had wanted to create a mobile studio. I never understood why radio was confined to a control room. It would be so much better to meet our listeners without sacrificing our own environment. I had talked with engineers at other stations before and was rebuffed out of hand. “Can’t be done,” was the answer. Oh, call-ins could happen or occasional remote broadcasts where the jock would speak into a mic, but nothing that showed the excitement of the whole show. I brought up it up to Phil. “Great idea,” he said. “Let me think about it.” I figured this was a stall tactic. Three days later he was back. “I think we need to buy a Winnebago, tear it down and rebuild it to our specs. And I figured out a way we could do this moving, if you want. I’ll fly a plane over the mobile studio and rebroadcast the signal back to the station.” Say what? Who had a mobile studio at the time? Who had an engineer who wanted to do mobile broadcasting while moving? Who had an engineer with a pilot’s license who flew the plane that rebroadcast the signal? The KFRC Mobile Studio, nicknamed The Sturgeon, became history and legend.

I loved Phil for many reasons, but chief among those was his honesty. Two stories underline that. One of many consultants came through KFRC. I had a party at my house and the latest consultant was there. Phil asked, “Who’s the stiff?” I told him it was another consultant trying to impress us. I said, “He’s a good guy.” Phil looked at me and shook his head. “No he isn’t.” As usual, Phil was right.

In my first department head meeting, we gathered around the conference room table. Phil and I were on one side alone. GM Pat Norman said he wanted to focus our discussion that day on P&L. Phil leaned in close to me and said, “Let me make this easy for you. Those guys over there,” pointing to the two Sales Managers, “they’re P. You and I are L.”

And who could forget those wonderful remote broadcasts from Lake Tahoe? And the dinners we had at Beni Hana where we got the private room by ordering for an empty chair. We told the waiters it was our alcoholic colleague who was in the bathroom. Phil loved that. And when I dine at Beni Hana’s this weekend, there will be an empty chair for my friend Phil.

What are your memories?

500 Pound Gorilla

January 14th, 2000

For three years we’ve been trying to move the Network 40 Summer Games to another month.  Lake Tahoe is arguably one of the most beautiful places in the world, but in early June, it can get a little dicey.  The first year, it snowed the sunday after the The Games were completed.  The second year, it snowed three days before The Games began.  Last year there was a blizzard the week before The Games.  After three fantastic years, we managed to convince the people in Tahoe that record executives and radio programmers were nice people, would act accordingly and would bring no great harm to the environment or manmade structures. Last week, for the first time in history, South Lake Tahoe granted us a convention in August.  The most beautiful month in the world’s most beautiful place.  I was so excited that I prepared a wonderful soliloquy for The Network 40 Games IV (The Final Conflict) August 24-26 in Lake Tahoe. Nothing could be more important.

Then Ted Turner put his sex life in perspective, AOL and Time Warner merged and I decided to wait on the soliloquy.

Am I the only one who feels we’re out of control?  We’re spinning wildly into an Internet abyss where the future is so bright, we have to wear shades.  The only problem is we can’t really see.

That’s unnerving.

But it’s nothing to be afraid of it we have the talent to survive and prosper.  Years ago, I was taking my daughter through an amusement park.  She began crying because she was afraid to get on a ride. I told her she didn’t have to get on board if she was scared.  She frowned and scolded me.  “Dad, if you aren’t scared, it isn’t any fun.”

I’m having a blast.

The future of the Internet is now.  If there were any doubters, they all left the room this week.  AOL’s merger with Time Warner signals the end of the entertainment world as we know it.  A dream has become a reality and the only way to prevent it from becoming your personal nightmare is to strap yourself in, keep your arms and legs inside and enjoy the ride.

Bob Pittman, the innovative radio programmer and co-founder of MTV, is  one of the guiding hands that will steer this mothership into the millennium.  His counsel?  Forget radio and records as we know it.  There’s a new sheriff in town and his name is World Wide Web.

You can stop thinking about if records will be downloaded on the Internet.  Concentrate on when.  AOL, the company that petitioned against any particular concept of downloadable CDs, will now be leading the way in developing the technology and bringing it to the front page.

If I owned interest in a record store , I would get out now.  Retail outlets are in serious jeopardy.  AOL and Time Warner will lead the charge to toward online music purchasing and in the process, revolutionize the way we do business.  If you aren’t ready for the Internet, it doesn’t matter.  You can either ride the train or get run over.

And music isn’t the only part of our lives that will change.  The way we view and use television is going to change so drastically in the next couple years that the concept we now consider commonplace will be outdated before you can adjust the color.

No longer will you have to rush home for your favorite program.  You won’t have to remember to start the VCR. (Does any normal person really know how to get that flashing 12:00 off the LED?) All images will be stored by your Web TV.  Play back the whole thing or bits and Pieces whenever you have time.

Many see this merger as the initial hard step of the Internet actually affecting our lives in a tangible way.  Those who look at the computer as something to be afraid of will miss the boat.  How we use the information and services available will not affect our lives adversely, but will give us more time to enjoy life.  The computer and Internet access will allow us to use information and technology to make our lives better and less hectic…not more so.

If the rest of you think you’re safe, get ready.  This 500 pound gorilla is headed your way.  Your company will be sold by the end of the year.  Dot com companies that have been selling their future are now buying the real programming that makes that future a reality.  The time for the ostrich syndrome is over.  Pull your head out of your ass and get on board.  If you don’t know about it…find out.  You’ve got one choice: you can either be part of the future or part of the past…part of the solution or part of the problem.

It’s going to be an interesting year.  Now that I think about it, this is the perfect time to make your plans for the Network 40 Summer Games IV (The Final Conflict) August 24-26 in lake Tahoe.  This year, we’re really going to need it.

Are you scared? Then you’re having fun!

Winds Of Same

November 19th, 1999

I was speaking with a record company president last week who felt a change was coming. In music? No, in the way radio responds to music. This president went on to say that although Top 40 is currently enjoying huge ratings, Top 40 PDs are looking for artists to carry the flag in the future.

We continued talking about the perceptions of record executives regarding programmers.  Unfortunately, the perceptions turned out to be more wishful thinking than a concrete movement of change.  Record executives have misunderstood PDs since music became a staple on radio.  Although the record and radio industries are tied together symbiotically and each needs the other to survive, the end results expected from the divergence are often diametrically opposite.

Although many PDs pay lip service to the needs of record companies, the majority don’t care.  And why should they? Whether or not record companies are able to establish an artist’s career isn’t a primary motivation for programmers.  It isn’t even secondary.  As a matter of fact, it doesn’t even cause a blip on the radar.

If you’re a promotion executive and you really are naive enough to believe PDs are interested in the development of your artist, let me sell you an ad in the Country Network.  Forget that deep, emotional conversation.  Just put it out triple-bonused with a big promotion and see what happens.  When you take the PD to dinner, talk about his career.  You’ll be much better served.

Top 40 programmers are interested in hits.  Nothing more, nothing less.  (Okay, also promotions and independent dollars that must accompany the hits.)  Expecting a PD to buy into a lifetime plan for establishing an artist is like expecting to get laid on a first date.  It might happen, but it ain’t likely.

Record executives moan about the shortsightedness of Top 40 programmers.  They complain about the throw away mentality exhibited with their records.  It’s a waste of time.

If PDs had their way, every record would be uptempo and three minutes long.  They don’t care whether the artist in question has a string of hits later.  They’re only interested in the first.

Why? because their jobs depend on ratings.  PDs don’t have time to build careers.  Like a developing artist, they’ve got to have a hit…now.  No owner is willing to invest money in “developing” a programmer.  PDs are hired to generate ratings.  And those ratings have to be generated today.

Have you heard of a five year plan for a programmer? It doesn’t exist.  Five trends is more like it.  That’s why there is such a dichotomy between PDS and record executives.  Record companies want hits, but executives want those hits to establish careers.  The strength of an artist enables record companies to thrive and prosper.  Hit records make radio stations thrive and prosper.

Although its easy to blame programmers for the lack of artists in today’s music world, the fault lies just as much with record companies and more with the times. With the exception of a few superstars, most artists don’t make enough records to satisfy programmers.  Not so long ago, artists established careers by generating a ton of hit records.  Today’s artists record less.

Who can blame them? Artists make more money from touring than record sales.  Record companies can sometimes bribe the artists by upping the royalty rates, but this drives up the already huge cost of making records, cutting profit margins further.

In the golden days, when Top 40 ruled and acts became artists by producing a string of hits, all was well.  Radio stations were able to choose from a stack of potential hits, record companies put out albums like donuts and artists toured for $10,000 a night if they were lucky.

Today, its a whole different ballgame.  PDs are less interested in the welfare of artists and record companies because the pot of gold isn’t at the end of the rainbow.  Record companies are bottom line accountable.  And artists become rich on the road.

We all know that the future of the music business, and with it, the future of music radio, is all about artists.  When superstars sell, the music business profits.

But don’t expect radio to lead the charge.  Programmers are interested in today’s hits, not the promise of tomorrow.  Top 40 has always been a reflection of today’s culture, not a magic mirror into the future.  The winds of change are the winds of same in radio.

If a programmer tells you he wants to help establish the artist, don’t be fooled.  He either wants a trip to Hawaii for himself and a few listeners, or a job in A&R.

Or maybe a production deal.

Probably all three.

Who Cares?

4/26/1996

Three weeks ago, when I sat down to create another “mindless” Editorial, I had no idea that what I was creating was a mini-series.  Given the success of Jerry Seinfeld’s TV sitcom about nothing, I should have known better.  So, “Why Is It?” brought a rebuttal by the staff, using A/C Editor Tiffany Eason as their shield, called, “Why It Is.” So many of you lame-ohs who read this trash have written in with your own comments that I felt obligated to retort with the third, and final, chapter, aptly entitled, “Who Cares?”

Why is it that Tiffany Eason still has her job?

Why do the elected politicians pontificate about down-sizing the federal budget, yet still haven’t enacted a tax cut?

Why is it that many in our industry enjoy talking behind others’ backs instead of to their faces?

Why is it that someone hasn’t written a book about what one person says about the other after the phone call has ended?

Why is it that the most popular car color is white?

Why is it that when someone has a booger in his or her nose, nobody points it out (except to others behind the person’s back)?

Why is it that most people who criticize me for being too skinny are overweight?

Why is it that people tip when service sucks?

Why is it that women with mustaches don’t shave?

Why is it that men with mustaches don’t shave?

Why is it that I never wonder, wonder who (da do do do), who wrote the book of love?

Why is it that the grass is always greener on the other side of the road?

Why is it that many in our industry, when asked how they are, answer depending on the number of adds they got or how high their ratings went?

Why is it that some programmers act as if their radio station will never be sold or change formats?

Why is it that, despite protests to the contrary, some people never change?

Why is it that some people mellow out and a chosen few are still crazy after all these years?

Why is it that men don’t send roses to women any more?

Why is it that not one single person in the United States is making more money than they think they are worth?

Why is it that those without contracts can’t understand why their company won’t offer one, and those with contracts can’t understand why their company won’t release them for a better offer?

Why is it that the United States is the only country in the civilized world where the person who brings a lawsuit and loses isn’t obligated to pay court and damage costs?

Why is it that the open door button on an elevator always works, but the close door button never does?

Why is it that many people who have handicapped parking plates aren’t handicapped?

Why is it that when somebody starts a conversation with, “Boy, have I go a good deal for you,” you know it isn’t?

Why is it that some people win money in Las Vegas?

Why is it that some people just don’t get it?

Why is it that people who are on their car phone insist on telling you about the idiot who just cut them off?

Why is it that I’ve never met Tom, Dick or Harry?

Why is it that everybody has a can’t-lose tip at the race track, yet nobody ever wins?

Why is that nobody’s wife really understands him?

Why is it that most women wear make-up, yet most men need it more?

Why is it that there is no such thing as a good nose job?

Why is it that some people insist on wearing sunglasses after dark?

Why is it that when I’m up to $100 on the blackjack table, the guy sitting third base hits a 16 when the dealer has a four showing?

Why is it that the hardest thing to get someone to say is, “I don’t know?”

Why is it that everything that tastes good is ultimately bad for you?

Why is it that people who yell are the same ones who hate to get yelled at?

Why is it that all she wants to do is dance?

Why is it that I can’t play the guitar like Eric Clapton?

Why is it that enough money to live on is always just a little more than you make?

Why is it that common courtesy isn’t practiced anywhere anymore?

Why is it that your intelligence is often perceived to be in direct proportion to the part of the country you’re speaking in?

Why is it that many who can’t make it programming one radio station are hired by others to consult?

Why is it that those who can, do and those who can’t, don’t?

Why is it that more people watch sports than play them?

Why is it that we can send people to the moon, yet we can’t get ketchup to pour out of a  bottle?

Why is it that preventive medicine isn’t practiced by more people?

Why is it that the first cut is always the deepest?

Why is it that when I’m late, the plane always leaves on time, yet when I’m early, the plane always leaves late?

Why is it that we spend billions on public transportation, but nobody rides the bus?

Why is it that people would prefer to say maybe, when they really know the answer is no?

Why is it that computers are completely obsolete after a couple of years?

Why is it that we can’t breathe underwater?

Why is it that everything tastes better fried?

Why is it that, as far as the Network 40 staff is concerned, the fish are always in the trees.

Who Knows?

3/21/1997

The industry was talking about a bunch of things this week:  The Network 40 Summer Games, The Monitor backing off its dictatorial edict and a joint study commissioned by the Recording Industry Association of America and the National Association of Recording Merchandisers.

The 1997 Network 40 Summer Games is the most exciting thing that has happened in our industry.  By the time you read this, it will be sold out.  It’s covered extensively in other parts of the magazine.

The Monitor, after having to shut off their fax machines because so many copies of the Network 40 Editorial about their stance was flooding their offices, made a Solomon decision by cutting the baby in half.  However, to their credit, it shows they’ve begun to listen…and certainly to read.

That leaves us with the study released by NARM and RIAA.  In a nutshell, the results of the research showed, among other things, that MTV and radio airplay is playing a smaller role in influencing potential record buyers.

Although we applaud any attempt to find new and innovative ways to stimulate record sales, the results of this particular research project are not in sync with many others.  This research was done with a focus group of only 80 people.  I have no idea what criteria was used, but it couldn’t be representative of the majority of record buyers.

The studies I have seen basically show the opposite.  I have never seen a research project that didn’t reveal that most record buyers (well over 90%) are directly influenced by radio airplay.  Although specific events (AMAs, Grammy Awards etc.) stimulate record sales, these are sales of familiar product already receiving airplay.

It is no secret that record companies spend millions of dollars to get radio airplay.  It’s done for a reason.  Airplay is the primary motivator of record sales.

MTV?  That’s another story.  Research can’t really pinpoint MTV’s overall effectiveness, but there is no doubting the power of the medium on certain projects.  It has long been a position taken by many in radio that it’s not MTV, but MTV’s influence on radio airplay that stimulates sales.  By that, I mean record companies use an add on MTV as ammunition to get additional radio airplay, thereby simulating sales.

Although this is certainly true in many cases, there are specific instances where MTV, and  MTV alone, is responsible for drastic influences in record sales.

Take The WORK Group’s Jamiroquai, for instance.  With little radio airplay in the United States, domestic record sales were slowing.  Because this group was so huge in Europe, WORK continued to aggressively promote the record.  Then, with MTV signing on as a partner and with increased video exposure, sales shot up.  Radio has now jumped on the bandwagon.

One can site other instances where MTV has had little or no effect.  But the fact remains that MTV can be a viable entity in stimulating record sales.

Record companies and retailers should continue to strive to find additional ways to stimulate sales, but anyone who says that airplay…of any kind…isn’t the motivating factor in convincing the record buying public to make a purchase is living in a dream world.

Is marketing important?  Of course it is.  Is it necessary for marketing executives to find new ways to stimulate record sales?  Of course.  However, may I make a suggestion?  If marketing would spend more time making sure product that is already receiving airplay is actually in the retail outlets, perhaps this could be more stimulating than 10 surveys.

The biggest complaint I hear from programmers and promotion executive s when trying to determine the sales potential of a record on the air is lack of product in retail outlets.  That, coupled with the limited knowledge of retail managers, loses sales.

There’s something else we should take into consideration when trying to find out how to stimulate record sales…that’s the product.  It is amazing.  No matter how long or how hard we try, programmers, promotion and marketing can’t make a stiff sell…nor can any of us keep a hit from happening.  I know this should be a foregone conclusion, but better music always equates to bigger sales.

We should all take a lesson from the movie industry.  With all due respect given to how much money the record industry spends promoting and marketing a record, we pale when compared to the motion picture industry.  We are, at best, merely red-headed, freckle-faced step-children grubbing for crumbs from the tables of the truly exorbitant.

The motion picture industry spends millions on promoting and marketing movies, only to fall on their own sword when the audience doesn’t like the movie.  All the marketing and promotion in the world couldn’t get people in the theatres to see Ishtar.

So, where do we go from here?  The road isn’t easy.  We continue to blaze a trail through the wilderness.  I recognize the changes in radio.  I understand that different avenues have to be explored to try and take advantage of some of the changes.  But promotion is what gets records heard by the masses…not marketing.  It is my opinion that many in the record business pushed marketing over promotion because they couldn’t promote effectively.

Just because radio has changed over the past few years doesn’t mean we must market differently because promotion doesn’t work.  It means we must promote harder so that marketing can have a chance to work.

Write On

5/10/1996

There’s nothing like a little vacation time in the middle of the hassle and bashing of our everyday lives to put it all in perspective.  A condo on the beach in Maui with no telephone can give you the time and opportunity to let you know what’s really important.

Let’s face it.  We all want enough money to be able to say, “the hell with it” and take off for people and places unknown.  Just give me enough “fuck you” cash and I’m there, bud.

Of course, the question is: How much money is enough?  Unfortunately, the answer is always:  A little more than we have right now.

But we can all dream, can’t we?  We can dream about telling the boss to “take this job and shove it.”  We can close our eyes and imagine a scenario where we walk off into the sunset and never have to deal with anyone in this industry again.  We could live quite comfortably with our toes in the sand, our face toward the sun, an ocean breeze wafting across our shoulders as breakers crash just off-shore, the sweet smell of suntan lotion blending with the tropical fragrances of the island flowers, a rum-and-pineapple drink only inches away from our fingers and a beautiful loved one to anticipate our every need.

Makes you want to take off right now, doesn’t it?  The problem is, like me, you’ll have to come back.

For five glorious days and nights, I had most of the above.  But toward the end of my quick Maui vacation, I experienced a vague, uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Was I missing those screaming phone calls from some client whose name had been misspelled?  Was it a feeling of removal since no programmer had refused to take my call because we had listed his call letters in the Overnight Request fax with the wrong logo?  Could it have been a longing for a promotion executive who wanted to scream in my ear just to hear his own voice bounce off the walls?

Actually, it was none of that.  I had just sucked down too much rum, bruddah.

Any vacation will take away your troubles (for a short time) and clear your mind (for a shorter time).  But a vacation to Maui is something special.  I returned feeling (and looking) tanned, rested and ready. It took only a minute to become tuned, wrestled and wretched.

The first message was from a consultant who I had promised to overnight last week’s magazine.  He didn’t get it. The second call was from a Sr. VP Promotion who I had promised a picture on Page 6.  It didn’t run.  The third was someone bitching about last week’s Editorial.  I didn’t even remember what I had written.

The overnight delivery of the magazine I blamed on Josie.  The screw-up with Page 6 I blamed on Jeff.  The dissatisfaction with the Editorial just pissed me off.

Why?

It had nothing to do with the Editorial itself, so don’t bother finding it to see if you agree or not.  It is about the general audacity of many of my peers who insist on whining about everything and doing nothing about anything.

For those of you who don’t know what an Editorial is, let me try and put it to you in a way you can understand:  An Editorial is an opinion.  That’s all.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Editorials in publications across the country don’t even have to deal in fact.  (Certainly not at Network 40.  We try and never let facts get in the way of a really good idea!)  Editorials are usually one person’s thoughts on one particular subject.  At Network 40, I write most of the Editorials so most of the opinions are mine.

The person who disagreed with the Editorial didn’t upset me.  It was the question, “Why did your write this thing?”

Does the answer, “Because I can,” ring a bell? A better, unasked question was, “Who the hell read it to you?”

Editorials should be controversial.  Editorials should cause readers to stop and consider.  Editorials should cause people to agree and disagree.  That’s why Editorials are written.

So, it wasn’t this guy’s opinion that pissed me off; it was his unwillingness to share his opinion with anyone except me that got me off that euphoric “Maui Wowie” ride in a hurry.

I welcome your agreement with my Editorials.  I welcome your disagreements.  I most welcome dialogue these Editorials cause.  Whether you agree or disagree with the opinion, it’s the conversations that arise from the Editorial that makes the time and writing all worthwhile.

However, there are more opinions out there than mine alone.  True, much of the information in most of the Editorials I write comes from conversations with others.  Still, the opinions are mine.  It was never the goal of this Editorial page for these opinions to be written exclusively by me.  Network 40 is biased.  We want to share opinions, problems and solutions with those in our industry so we can make jobs easier and people more productive.  I particularly welcome those who wish to espouse their philosophy.  It means I don’t have to write an Editorial that week!

If you have an idea, a belief, an opinion or a bitch, do what we ask our radio listeners to do:  Write it down.  You write it, we’ll run it.  Then I can take the week off and you can get your share of the accolades on how smart you are…and all of the grief.

There are too many in our business with opinions who refuse to take a stand.  It’s easier to criticize people for attempting something you’ve never done.  We all have specific opinions.  We all have loud voices.  We are quick to critique others.  Yet we all want a shield of deniability.

“I didn’t say that.  It was someone who looked and sounded like me.  But it wasn’t me.  Maybe it was my brother!”

I have never met more people of intelligence with more opinions about different aspects of our business who absolutely, positively refuse to have their name associated with their beliefs.

Odd.

Yet in a twisted, satirical way, one that works.  Especially for me.  If more of you wrote your opinions for publication, where would that leave me?

Out of work.

But living in Maui!

Y’all Come

2/9/1996

Back at the Gavin again…back where the heartburn begins…elevators, escalators fat-back and fried green tomatoes…back at the Gavin again.

The Gavin convention in Atlanta.  I don’t know, call me crazy, but somehow it just doesn’t ring true.  I’m the last person to hold on to the past and talk about “the good old days,” but somehow, a Gavin convention outside of San Francisco just doesn’t hold the same excitement and romance of San Francisco.

That’s even stranger coming from me, because I’m one of the few people in the civilized world who doesn’t list The City By The Bay as one of their favorites.  Too windy, too cold and too hard to figure just who’s what for my lifestyle, I guess.

But a Gavin convention anywhere except San Francisco seems like a blind duck in a goldfish pond.  Literally speaking, it fits…but it just doesn’t feel right.

You shouldn’t listen to me anyhow.  I’m not particularly fond of Atlanta, mass groups of people and conventions in general…except for The Network Magazine Group’s 1997 convention, but that’s another Editorial and another year.  So let me not digress any further.

For those of you who have never attended a convention…and for those of you who have and need a few reminders…let me brush off a few “convention tips” that will make your long weekend in Hotlanta easier.  And if I don’t accomplish that, maybe some of the etiquette tips will, at least, allow those around you to have a nicer time.

You’re In The South, Boys And Girls: You’ve heard all about the New South?  Forget it.  Best to prepare for the worst and accept the best.  You’ve never experienced anything quite like true Southern hospitality, but you must repay in kind or be branded a Yankee Carpetbagger and risk being tarred, feathered and run out of town on a rail.  Refer to every male who might be the least bit older than you as “suh…as in, “yes, suh.” Every women…regardless of age…is “Ma’am.”  Of course, all groups are “ya’ll.”  We’re big on tipping hats and opening doors in the South.  And “Thank You” is a very big deal.  No matter whether it’s a waiter, the man who shines your shoes (we’re also big on shiny shoes in the South), cab drivers or drunks, always say, “Thank You.”

When Did You Get In? Please …please…don’t use this worthless expression.  What do you care when people got in?  They’re here now, aren’t they?   Isn’t that all that matters?  If people ask you, “When did you get in?” it means they could care less about who or what you are.  It’s small talk at its worst.  If people ask you this lame question, immediately stick a fork deep into their right eye.  Then, as you’re waiting for the ambulance, you’ll have something to talk about.

The “More Important” Stare:  This is a symptom of entertainment industry conventions.  It happens when you begin talking with people and they gaze over your head or shoulder as they search the room for someone more important.  Don’t do it.  If you’re cornered by dweebs you really can’t stand, spend a few seconds in conversation, look at them, then excuse yourself.  You’ll be a better person for it and so will they.  If you are having a conversation in the lobby or a party with people who do this to you, immediately stick a fork in their left eye.  This will prevent them from looking at anyone until the ambulance arrives.

Topless Bars:  Can we all show a little class and not go to any of them?  Okay, so I went a little over the line.  But be careful.  In the topless bars of underground Atlanta, you can lose a lot more than dollar bills.

Miz Rudolph:  It’s one of the myths about Atlanta that happens to be true.  Miz Rudolph runs an after-hours club that knows no equal.  Few know the exact location of this combination juke joint/fortune-telling/opium den and fewer still are invited.  If you are lucky enough to get to see Miz Rudolph up close and personal, remember these words of the wise:  Do not stare at the tattoo on her left breast; do not pet the three legged monkey and watch out for Toodlums with little baby feet!

Cabs:  Atlanta is no place to walk.  Bring plenty of cab money.  You’re going to need it.  Almost everything is a cab ride away and most of these rides are expensive.  However, the great thing about cab drivers in Atlanta is that most all of them speak English…with a twang, of course

The Most Popular Question:  That would be, “Have you seen Sholin?”  Relax.  Everyone will eventually see The Duke.  If you’re lucky, he’ll even pretend he’s glad you found him.

You’re Going To Be Late:  The Atlanta airport is the worst in the country for flights leaving and arriving on time.  This is because it’s Delta Airlines’ hub…or that’s their excuse anyhow.  Every flight goes through Atlanta, so yours is going to be late arriving or leaving or both.  Deal with it.  Take the time to have some Southern Valium (a.k.a. Jack Daniels whiskey).  There’s a saying in the south:  “If you die and go to hell, you’ll have a layover in Atlanta.”  Pray the weather is nice.  The good folks of the South have this thing about snow:  They like to watch it, not clean it up.  If it sleets, we’re all out of luck.

The Davenport Comet:  It has been a while since we’ve witnessed this phenomenon.  If you’re up late in the lobby, you may get to see a rare appearance.  If you think you’re hallucinating because you see a naked man running across the room trailing a flaming roll of toilet paper, don’t freak out.  It’s not an uncommon sight in this part of the country.

Emergency Phrase:  This is in case you’re caught in a restaurant without a reservation or have to wait in line for something else.  Valerie DeLong (of the Atlanta High School Homecoming Queen family) has some clout. “Ya’ll know Val?” can work.  Try it.  Don’t mention John Fagot.  They’re still not sure about him.

Real Emergency Phrase:  If you wind up in a bar full of mean-looking rednecks who begin giving you the chicken-eye, you’ve got only one chance. Grab a long-neck, knock back about half of it, slam the bottle on the bar and yell, “How ‘bout them Dawgs!”  Don’t make me try and explain it, just trust me.

Enjoy the Southern hospitality.  Drink a mint julep, order plenty of fried chicken and mashed potatoes and don’t forget to smile when they say:

“Ya’ll come back now, you heah?”

Nothing

7/21/1995

I have nothing to write about.  It happens that way sometimes.  It’s like when you’re on the air and you have nothing to say.  The only difference is that as a deejay, you can just roll the music.  I think it was rule number two in the infamous RKO playing book: “If you can’t say anything, don’t say anything.”  Of course, not all jocks have read the playbook.  I hear a lot of personalities rambling on with no rhyme or reason.  I fear that’s what I’ll be doing. Here.  Feel free to stop reading at any time.  I’m just filling space.

I started to write about all the rumors that are running rampant through the record industry at the present time.  But since I hate rumors, I figured that if I wrote about them, I would only be fostering a position I abhor.  Besides, there’s no way I could write about rumors without pissing someone off and during my career, I’ve always tried to take the high road and not make anyone angry.  Sure.

Did I say I hated rumors?  That isn’t exactly true.  Not true at all, as a matter of fact.  Every person in our industry will say that they hate rumors.  What they mean is that they hate rumors about them or their company.  Everyone loves rumors about the competition.  We’re quick to spread them.  And just as quick to get angry if anyone has the gall to spread something about us.

Unfortunately, we are in an industry that thrives on innuendos, half-truths and outright lies.  That’s why Page 6 is so successful (and the pictures we run!).  And in our business, more often than not, many of the rumors have a way of turning into fact.

Interesting proposition, huh?

I could have written about the stock market.  About how everyone I know has been on this wild ride as the market has set new records almost daily.  Of course, I haven’t been a part of it.  I sold my stock just before the roof blew off.  Now I’m afraid to get back in.  It’s like standing at a crap table when a shooter gets on an incredible role.  You weren’t in at the beginning and you know as soon as you make a bet, he’ll seven-out.

I bought a house instead.  I could have written about that, but I’ve been writing so many checks for the house that I don’t want to write anything else about it.  I started to write about my girlfriend.  It would have been an invasion of her privacy, but, what the hell, I needed something.  I could write about the time we spend together, the tenderness we share, the fun we have, all of the things that happen in a relationship.

But I don’t have a girlfriend.

I could have written about cruising Sunset Boulevard after midnight, searching desperately for a street-walker to chat with, but someone beat me to it.

I could have written about what I’ve been hearing on the radio.  It’s almost depressing.  The absolute lack of excitement on the dial these days does not bode well for the future of our industry.  When will someone in Top 40 step to the front of the milling masses and create a truly, full-service radio station?  When will jocks stop reading the same old liners and share something to make the audience want to listen?  How long will we stay on that 10-in-a-row format, thinking it’s the be-all and end-all?

I could pose some more questions.  Why is the art of counter-programming a lost one? If your competitor is playing 10-in-a-row and stopping at :40 and :50, why should your station do the same?  If your competitor stops at :40, why aren’t you sweeping music? That’s the way to have your competitor’s audience sample your station.  If you’re playing commercials at the same times as your competitor, you give the audience the perception that you’re doing the same thing.  It’s another rule in the RKO handbook that to beat the number one station in your market, you can’t be just as good… you have to be much better.  Copying a competitor’s clock isn’t better…it’s the same.

It seems the term “innovative” had been deleted from many programmers’ dictionaries.

I thought about sharing my insight on the O.J. trail, but a quick glance at the magazine racks in the check-out line at the grocery store shows me all the angles have been covered.  Besides, I don’t watch the trial on television anymore.  I’m too busy coming up with editorial topics.

I could preach the virtues of all of the “smaller” radio stations R&B doesn’t think worthy of reporting status, but we do that every week throughout Network 40 anyhow.

I thought seriously about letting someone else write this column this week.  I know WPLJ’s Mike Preston thinks someone else writes it every week.  After this weak effort, I’m sure he now knows I write it.  I should have had him do this one.

It would have been a natural to write about my passion for golf.  I could have told you about driving the green at the par four or the three-iron second shot I hit to within six feet on the par five 18th last weekend.  But I missed both eagle putts, so why bother?  Besides, there are way too many people in our industry playing golf already.  It’s hard enough to find a tee time.  I don’t need to give any others the thought that they should take up the game.

Someone told me I write beautiful memorial columns.  He was just sad that I’ve had to write so many.  So am I.  I’m glad I didn’t have to do one of those this week.  Is it too much to ask that I never have to do another?

I could have written about the Conclave gathering last week, but I didn’t go.  I know that hasn’t stopped me in the past, but his week is different.

What about the future?

I can’t think about the future right now.  I’m having enough trouble with the present.  At least I’m not worrying about the past.  Am I?

I could write about paranoia, but I’m not paranoid.  Am I?  What have you heard?

So what do you write about when you have nothing to say?

Nothing.

But I told you that at the beginning of this column.  At least I didn’t lie.  I said you could stop reading at any time.  You made the choice to continue.

If you’re still reading, you’ve got way too much time on your hands.

Happy New Year 2006

1/1/2006

 

2006 was a great year for the music business and an okay year for the record business. It is interesting how an industry that exists on such an exciting and hot product can be luke warm in its approach and down right chilly in the results.

 

 

Record companies are still struggling to grasp the future of digital downloads, while all signs are pointing to diminishing hard copy sales, fast approaching extinction. Brick and mortar record stores are becoming a thing of the past. Soon, they will be as difficult to find as a 45. Remember those?

 

Downloads rose 65% over last year. Although that is down from a 150% increase in 2005, there isn’t a business model in the world that would predict an increase of such drastic proportions. It’s growth other industries can only dream of.

 

Nielsen SoundScan tracks music purchases in the US exceeding 1 billion units for the second year in a row. 1.2 billion units were sold in 2006. That includes albums, singles, music videos and digital tracks. This reflects a 19% increase over the previous year.

  

A telling item in this multitude of figures is Album Sales. Albums, and this includes digital downloads, fell nearly 5% from a year ago. This, while individual downloads increased 40%. It proves that the audience remains unsatisfied with the quality of most albums. Record buyers still find their favorite songs, they just don’t find as many on individual albums.

 

It seems like such a simple thing: make better records. If it were just that easy.

 

Breaking records is much more difficult than in the past. With the restrictions on promotion now in place at all major labels, throwing product at the wall to see which will stick just doesn’t work any longer. Radio programmers are increasingly reluctant (if allowed) to go out on a limb and play new music. It’s a statement of fact that more new music is broken on the Internet than on radio.

 

 

However, there is a light, if only a vague one, on the horizon. Radio companies are cutting back (yet again) on expenses of individual stations. The biggest cutback this year will occur in the line item entitled: Call Out Research. The bane of both industries, call out research is going to be diminished significantly at most major chains. Some stations won’t do it at all for new music, only for oldies.

 

With the changing landscape comes the search for more information to provide a perfect picture for songs that should be programmed. That is why Music Biz is taking significant steps to better reflect the environment. Reporting industry news and gossip, although fun and entertaining, doesn’t really get the job done. What programmers want to know is, “Which records should I be playing.” What record company executives want to know is, “How do I get my message to programmers.” Music Biz will endeavor to do both.

 

With strategic partners unlike any other source, Music Biz will begin delivering a daily informational piece that covers sales, Internet activity, music in alternative medias (movies, TV shows, etc.), iTune action, BDS actual plays, uTube and myspace hits and downloads, plus a variety of other pieces of information to provide programmers with instant information that will help make decisions more informed, if not easier.

 

We welcome your feedback as we try to improve our resources to make Music Biz your source for information vital to the success of our industries.

What’s Next?

Radio is experiencing serious trauma and needs a complete transfusion if it is survive in the new world. We are suffering declining audiences brought on by the influx of new technology, changing lifestyles and boredom. Those in charge of the medium are responding with kneejerk reactions designed to keep losses (both in audience and dollars) to a minimum. Forget gains…it’s all about losing less than predicted. In today’s landscape, that’s a win.

 

How sad.

 

It wasn’t so long ago that owning radio stations was considered one of the most profitable investments around. I invested in three properties in the 90s and my return was four times the original. Today the larger companies are trying to “get small” and Wall Street doesn’t consider purchasing radio stations as a wise investment.

 

What to do?

 

I’m not sure the problem can be fixed. I’m not sure that radio as we know it is a thing of the distant past. The voice of doom? Hardly. More like the voice of reality. I’m not an old guy, yet I grew up in a time when AM radio dominated. FM wasn’t a factor. Music was the mantra and you heard it from your hometown AM station or from distant signals far away. When is the last time you listened to music on AM?

 

Is FM destined for the same fate?

 

Those special people who could save the world aren’t being called upon to do so. Large companies are being run by sales people. It never worked in the past and it isn’t working in the future. Sales people kill programming. It’s not intentional, it’s their nature. For the most part, they aren’t talented in anything except sales. The more they can sell, the bigger their paycheck. How can they make it bigger? Sell more spots. Kill off programming.

 

Idiots.

 

If you clutter up your station, the audience leaves and you have nothing to sell. In the past, when your audience left, they went to another station…or stations. To regain the loss, a smart programmer was hired, commercials were decreased, marketing and promotions were increased and the audience returned. Now, the audience has gone elsewhere…and they won’t return.

 

Is Jack Radio the programming solution to this problem.

 

Far from it.

 

The smart programmers, the ones who got into radio because of the excitement that surrounded it, were never excited. Those people are working for Microsoft. Or Apple. Or a thousand other computer companies that have developed a new generation of delivering music to the masses.

 

Most radio stations succeeded by delivering music to the consumer. That was the primary function…at least to the audience. More music, the best music, new music, old music…it was the music that mattered.

 

Music still matters to the audience, but the delivery system has a problem.

 

Figuring it out will take sharp programming minds. Look around. You can’t find them. The few that remain in radio are hamstrung by outdated parameters designed by sales oriented CEOs.

 

It’s sad.

 

It’s a reality.

 

The only hope is that when the bigger companies sell off their stations, they will be purchased by radio people…those who want their radio station to succeed because it’s their livelihood, not because it’s a good investment. The future of radio could lie in mom and pop operators…not the other way around. Maybe the savior of radio is to return to the days when everything mattered…not just the bottom line in the next quarter. Maybe the future of radio lies less with what Wall Street thinks and more with what the audience believes.

 

Maybe the secret is to go back…to the future.