4/26/1996
Three weeks ago, when I sat down to create another “mindless†Editorial, I had no idea that what I was creating was a mini-series. Given the success of Jerry Seinfeld’s TV sitcom about nothing, I should have known better. So, “Why Is It?†brought a rebuttal by the staff, using A/C Editor Tiffany Eason as their shield, called, “Why It Is.†So many of you lame-ohs who read this trash have written in with your own comments that I felt obligated to retort with the third, and final, chapter, aptly entitled, “Who Cares?â€
Why is it that Tiffany Eason still has her job?
Why do the elected politicians pontificate about down-sizing the federal budget, yet still haven’t enacted a tax cut?
Why is it that many in our industry enjoy talking behind others’ backs instead of to their faces?
Why is it that someone hasn’t written a book about what one person says about the other after the phone call has ended?
Why is it that the most popular car color is white?
Why is it that when someone has a booger in his or her nose, nobody points it out (except to others behind the person’s back)?
Why is it that most people who criticize me for being too skinny are overweight?
Why is it that people tip when service sucks?
Why is it that women with mustaches don’t shave?
Why is it that men with mustaches don’t shave?
Why is it that I never wonder, wonder who (da do do do), who wrote the book of love?
Why is it that the grass is always greener on the other side of the road?
Why is it that many in our industry, when asked how they are, answer depending on the number of adds they got or how high their ratings went?
Why is it that some programmers act as if their radio station will never be sold or change formats?
Why is it that, despite protests to the contrary, some people never change?
Why is it that some people mellow out and a chosen few are still crazy after all these years?
Why is it that men don’t send roses to women any more?
Why is it that not one single person in the United States is making more money than they think they are worth?
Why is it that those without contracts can’t understand why their company won’t offer one, and those with contracts can’t understand why their company won’t release them for a better offer?
Why is it that the United States is the only country in the civilized world where the person who brings a lawsuit and loses isn’t obligated to pay court and damage costs?
Why is it that the open door button on an elevator always works, but the close door button never does?
Why is it that many people who have handicapped parking plates aren’t handicapped?
Why is it that when somebody starts a conversation with, “Boy, have I go a good deal for you,†you know it isn’t?
Why is it that some people win money in Las Vegas?
Why is it that some people just don’t get it?
Why is it that people who are on their car phone insist on telling you about the idiot who just cut them off?
Why is it that I’ve never met Tom, Dick or Harry?
Why is it that everybody has a can’t-lose tip at the race track, yet nobody ever wins?
Why is that nobody’s wife really understands him?
Why is it that most women wear make-up, yet most men need it more?
Why is it that there is no such thing as a good nose job?
Why is it that some people insist on wearing sunglasses after dark?
Why is it that when I’m up to $100 on the blackjack table, the guy sitting third base hits a 16 when the dealer has a four showing?
Why is it that the hardest thing to get someone to say is, “I don’t know?â€
Why is it that everything that tastes good is ultimately bad for you?
Why is it that people who yell are the same ones who hate to get yelled at?
Why is it that all she wants to do is dance?
Why is it that I can’t play the guitar like Eric Clapton?
Why is it that enough money to live on is always just a little more than you make?
Why is it that common courtesy isn’t practiced anywhere anymore?
Why is it that your intelligence is often perceived to be in direct proportion to the part of the country you’re speaking in?
Why is it that many who can’t make it programming one radio station are hired by others to consult?
Why is it that those who can, do and those who can’t, don’t?
Why is it that more people watch sports than play them?
Why is it that we can send people to the moon, yet we can’t get ketchup to pour out of a bottle?
Why is it that preventive medicine isn’t practiced by more people?
Why is it that the first cut is always the deepest?
Why is it that when I’m late, the plane always leaves on time, yet when I’m early, the plane always leaves late?
Why is it that we spend billions on public transportation, but nobody rides the bus?
Why is it that people would prefer to say maybe, when they really know the answer is no?
Why is it that computers are completely obsolete after a couple of years?
Why is it that we can’t breathe underwater?
Why is it that everything tastes better fried?
Why is it that, as far as the Network 40 staff is concerned, the fish are always in the trees.