I’m The Greatest

5/3/1996 

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Okay, I’ll take a shot at it.  I’ve been criticized by some of my peers because of my recent Editorials.  Many say they have been much too shallow.  I don’t know why that comes as a surprise to anyone who knows me.  Let’s face it, I am a shallow person.  As are most of my friends.  Hey, we can spot a phony with the best of them…mainly because we’re accustomed to seeing one when we look in the mirror.

In our unique business, it’s easy to become enamored with ourselves.  The depth of bullshit that runs through the deep end of the entertainment industry quickly makes hipboots obsolete.  A full-body penetration-proof condom with accompanying foam barely does the trick.

Unfortunately, it’s easy to get caught up in the shuck and jive because we’re usually the ones doing the shucking and jiving.  We’re part of a business that not only claims “You’re So Vain” as a theme song, but is proud of it.  The “…everything…all the time…” lifestyles we lead too often becomes our lives.

And therein lies the rub.

Who the fuck do we think we are?

Our often thankless (and more often, well-paid) jobs make millions for the companies under whose banners we toil.  As promotion people, we are responsible for breaking records that sell millions.  As programmers, we are responsible for operating radio stations that sell for millions.

What’s in it for us?

Some brief Tuesday afternoon glory, some brief Tuesday afternoon grief, some good trends, some bad trends and the opportunity to live like we have real money.

It’s hard not to buy into the hype.  Let’s face it, we order whatever we want at the finest restaurants the country has to offer.  We get the best tickets to the best concerts.  We get to meet the superstars (however briefly) backstage.  They pretend they like us and we pretend that we’re really important to them.  Basically, we get what we want, when we want it.

Few of us come into this business with a great deal of substance.  (I’m referring to substance as a state of life…not substance abuse.  That’s another subject for another time.)  Most of us came upon our jobs by mistake.  There are few of us who, when asked what we wanted to be in the first grade, said, “I want to be a radio programmer or a record promoter.”  The fact is, few of us knew what that was back then.  Unfortunately, many who currently hold down those jobs, still don’t know.

In the broad scope of things, what we’re doing isn’t earth-shattering.  We’re not finding cures for diseases.  Nobody is going to die if we fail.  None of us are going to discover the cure for polio. Of course, I’d like to see Jonas Salk get 60 adds out-of-the-box on that mid-charter we have to sell to radio! Jonas wasn’t up against that Tuesday deadline, either.  He had as long as it took.  We’ve got until the next book…and if the trends suck, we might not make it  that long!

Mostly through our love of music, we were drawn into the jobs we now hold.  I got into radio because I wanted to produce records.  Others have tales just as twisted.  If there is a tie that binds us together, it could probably be identified as the love of music that originally got us into this business.  Isn’t it funny how too often it isn’t about a love of music anymore, but our love of the music business?  Or more aptly, our love for our position in the music business.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends and neighbors, you must know one thing: It ain’t who we are, but what we do that makes the moths fly around our flame.

Are we getting a little too cocky out there?

Probably.

There are radio programmers who actually believe they will keep their jobs forever.  And what’s harder to believe is that there are some programmers who actually believe the bullshit they’re being told by record company executives.  Programmers are quick to call “bullshit” when a record promoter is raving about the latest release.  Yet these same programmers believe the strokes and ego-boosting comments from the same promoters.  I guess it’s an absolute fact in our business that if a record executive is talking about the record, it’s bullshit.  But when the promoter is complementing the programmer, it’s the truth. 

Of course!  How could it be any different?

It’s not only the programmer who is buying into this stale loaf of bread.  There are record company executives who fall into the same trap.

And who can blame them?  Promoters are so busy hawking their product that it’s only natural that they begin to believe the same about themselves.

“My record’s the greatest, you’re the greatest, I’m the greatest.”

Right.

We’re all told not to believe our own bullshit.  But when we’re good at it, it’s hard not to be caught up in the hype. Especially since we’re the ones who are responsible.

We carry company credit cards that give us the ability to live in luxury.  We do what 99% of Americans only dream about doing.  And we do it because it’s our job, not because we’re special.  Someone was doing the job before you got there.  They may not have been doing it as good as you, but guess what? They thought they were.  Is it possible that you’re guilty of thinking you’re better than you are?

Let’s not forget that we’re all expendable.  When you leave, someone else will be doing your job.  You might not think they’ll do as good a job as you thought you were doing, but maybe it’s that mentality that make the transition a reality to begin with.

I don’t know what the point of this Editorial is other than for us to take a longer look at the broader picture that brought us to where we are today.  It was the love of music that struck the common chord in the beginning.  How often do you spend listening to music today?

Maybe we should spend a little time on the weekend away from our weekday job.  Maybe we should hang out with people who have no idea what we do.  Maybe we shouldn’t tell them.  Maybe we should begin to question our motives.  Maybe we should stop believing our own bullshit.

Then again, maybe not.