No

1/14/1994

So I’m sitting in Le Dome with a couple of other outlaws watching the ponies run. A money-winner stops near our table briefly and searches the bar with her eyes. Being a true, Southern gentleman, I quickly recognize a lady in distress and come to her rescue… whether she wants me to or not.

“You’re obviously looking for someone,” I say as I stand up and give her a bow. Then, making a grand, sweeping gesture with my hand, I continue, “Why don’t you join me for a drink until your companion arrives?”

She, of course, agrees (what woman wouldn’t) and sits down at the table.

My friends were speechless. I, of course, wasn’t, as I find myself in these situations quite often. I began to impress the lady with a glowing recitation of my pedigree, being careful to mix in enough information on current events to let her know I’m intelligent. Spotting a Warner Brothers logo on her jacket, I jump quickly into a monologue on how tight I am with the record moguls. She tells me she works for the movie company. I shift gears smoothly and explain how I have a movie deal with Warner Brothers on my book, “Payola!” Her eyes brighten up; I think I may have gone over the line (besides, she could check up on it) so I quickly amend my statement to say I have a deal pending. She, unfortunately, isn’t stupid and knows the key word in that sentence is “pending.”

About the time I figure I’m making real headway (which also coincides with the arrival of her drink) she stands and says, “There’s my date.”

I look across the room and see the ugly gnome this beautiful woman is meeting. “You’re leaving me for this guy?” I say incredulously.

She tosses her head back and gives me a quick look over her shoulder. “Call me when you’ve got a deal.”

Don’t you just love L.A?

Which brings me to the point of this Editorial. (If there every really is a point.) In our business, we seldom hear the word, “no.” We hear a lot of other words combined in different scenarios that mean the same thing, but rarely do we hear “no.”

In an industry that thrives on information like almost no other, where insider knowledge is almost as important as it is on Wall Street, where all people really want is an answer… even it it’s the wrong answer, we don’t hear “no” a lot.

No doubt we get the same result. But it’s often more painful. And certainly more drawn out.

Are we afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Are we afraid of making a decision? Are we afraid of an argument? Are we so used to dodging and dancing that we just don’t know how?

Come on. If Nancy Reagan can just say no, can’t we?

But we are innovative, aren’t we? Do any of these ring a bell?

Callers you don’t want to talk with get the following no’s.

He’s in a meeting. He just left for lunch. He was here just a second ago; now I can’t find him. He’s in the bathroom. He’s in production. He’s in with the general manager. He’s not taking any calls. He was just taken to the hospital.

How about the program director run-around when you’re looking for an add?

It looks good for next week. I don’t have a copy of the CD. It’s a little slow and I’m really ballad-heavy. My general manager is really giving me a hassle about Rap product. I’m sure it’s not going to be a problem. The consultant is giving me a hassle. Let me listen to it again. I’m not getting good feedback. Let me think about it and get right back to you. I’m freezing this week. Call me back at two o’clock. I’m concerned about the stationality. I can’t talk now, I have to go to the hospital.

If you’re the head of promotion and you’re trying to get an answer from your LPM, you’ve certainly heard one of the following:

I really think we’ve got a shot. The guy’s a real asshole, but he said he would listen to it one more time. He’s only going to add two records and two other companies are offering him trips to Paris and thousands of dollars in cash…and a time buy. He’s trying to get his general manager to approve it. He really likes the record. I know I’m in the mix, but the indy will probably bump it. He’s in the hospital, I’m trying to get through to the emergency room.

If you’re a program director and have asked a favor from a record company, have you heard this?

The CDs haven’t arrived…there must be a problem at the plant. I don’t know what happened…I left the tickets at will call. I’ll overnight you a copy. I never got the message. My assistant must have fucked it up. I’m sorry, I’ve been in the hospital.

Damn, we’re a verbose group. We’ll always use a sentence when a word would suffice. Not me. When someone asked if last weeks Editorial about independent record promoters was the last one I would write on that subject, I gave them the answer.

No.